My teacher friends will love this. Vocabulary lesson for the day…
Congruence : agreement or harmony; compatibility.
Dysphoria : a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.
Congruence is a term you will hear me talk about a great deal as I write. Its a term that is tossed around a great deal with anyone diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria as congruence is a big part of diagnosing someone with GD, as is dysphoria.
Just a quick side note…when you think of Gender Dysphoria and what all that diagnosis includes, the range of personalities, behaviors and needs, it is just as broad as the Autism Spectrum. Like many things we all encounter in life, it can’t all be compartmentalized into a small box for easy understanding. I’ll go into the full spectrum of GD another day, but let’s just say that while GD doesn’t include a bunch of listed disorders Depression or Bi-Polar do, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV devotes a significant number of pages to GD.
So…for me, I fall at the far end of the GD spectrum. I am someone who needs to have gender reassignment surgery and hormone therapy for my mind and body to feel congruent. Not everyone needs that. I need to go to these extreme measure to ease the emotional dysphoria I have in my mind on a daily basis. For me, I will fall into the classification of transsexual following my surgery. If I could start a countdown clock to my surgery date, I would do it in a heartbeat. It can’t get here soon enough.
The fight for congruence is a big battle every day. While I watch my body slowly change, I also wish it would happen faster. Yes…I can see my breasts, hips and butt developing. Yes, I can see my hair growing, my face changing and my skin softening. While I know I have to be patient, I also wish like hell it would go faster. The discomfort I feel each day, while eased by starting this journey, is still there. Because of that, I do every little thing I can to help ease the discomfort between my mind and my body on a daily basis.
One of the things I do, and have done for well over ten years now, is I wear my cowboy boots three or four days a week. This may seem like a strange way to feel more congruent in your own body…but let me explain.
Cowboy boots have heels. Cowboy boots make a clicking sound as you walk along a hard surface. Wearing cowboy boots, I can wear a socially acceptable heel and those who would think less of me don’t know any better. Because of the heel, I know there is more shape in my calves. Because of the heel, I know my butt and thighs take a different shape. Now, granted, the rest of the world can’t see the impact it has on my butt and legs…but I can feel it. I KNOW there is a difference there.
I listen to so many women curse heels. I also know there will come a day when I will probably curse heels as well. But for me, right now, because of where I am, it isn’t exactly socially acceptable for me to run around in public wearing heels when I want to so badly. I want to be able to go out to dinner with friends or to an event wearing heels and dress, skirt or gown so badly. I can’t…yet. So until then, until I am presenting, I will go with the best thing I have…
I’ll wear my boots. But in my head, I will imagine the word seeing me more like this picture. ♥
See it on Flickr!
Lune – Bento Studio Pose 9 – Pack N2
Foxcity – Photo Booth – Blank Minds