I feel like I am always telling people how tired I am lately. If I am doing that and you feel like I am whining, please let me know. I don’t want to be that way. I just feel like I can’t catch up on my sleep.
I always knew that working in health care, I would lose days off and nights of sleep. However, it has just been ridiculous over the past few months. As the manager of a 24/7 department, I am the last stop to make sure that staffing meets minimum safe levels. I am also the person that senior admin looks to anytime anything goes wrong or there is an emergency…regardless of whether or not I am on call.
I have always tried to remain empathetic in my job. I understand life throws us curve balls. I understand things happen. I get it. My life has been filled with enough of those moments that to not acknowledge it happening with others would be hypocritical.
However lately, it is just never ending with a couple of employees. I am on call every other week and last night was the first night in this call cycle where I wasn’t woken up. At least one, if not both weekend days when I am on call, I am having to go into work to cover part of all of a shift due to people who are calling out almost every weekend they are scheduled to work and legally, I can’t touch them even though I have strong reason to believe they are abusing the system.
Fatigue is a monster too. Just like hunger, fear and sadness, it distorts our ability to perceive the world as it is. It causes us to over react. Fatigue makes everything worse. Sadly, as the sleepless nights due to work have increased, I have become less social and less tolerant of bullshit. I have been less social out of fear of snapping at someone and also because I fear I am always whining about being tired.
I am crossing my fingers, praying and whatever else I can do that once I come off call tomorrow, I will actually have one week of nights where I am left alone. As much as my employer screams that they support “work life balance,” I have had very little in this job. I acknowledge that during school, that was my own doing and a necessary sacrifice. But now that school is done, where is my work life balance?
I’m trying to find it and get some rest. I am praying it comes soon.
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Foxcity – Budget Flyer 4
Foxcity – Photo Booth – Flight Club (Night)