Happiness. What is it? How do we define it?
Hell…I don’t know the best way to define happiness. You would think I would know considering I just finished my Masters in Counseling but I don’t have a clue how to define it universally. A large part of that is because we are all different and different things make different people happy.
What I can tell you is that I am most certainly NOT happy in my current work environment.
Yesterday, I posted a fairly long post on Facebook about my current situation at work. I have complained about this before and so I am not going to go into another litany of what’s wrong there. I am only go say that after some events from the past two weeks, I realize that things aren’t going to change and for some reason, it appears my new leadership is targeting me. No matter what I do, it appears someone has their sites set on finding something major to discipline me for…but yet also fails to even talk to me directly and even tell me they have concerns. They are choosing to do it all behind my back, secretly chipping away at the reputation I have spent over 20 years building.
Its become an untenable situation and one that is impacting my physically, mentally and emotionally.
I am not saying I am perfect. You all may remember that just a few weeks I posted about some mistakes I made at work. I own my mistakes. However, none of those mistakes were THAT major. I’m not excusing the fact I made them…just saying that they were not things that warrant the sort of pressure and scrutiny that I feel at work right now.
Things at work have just continued to get worse. Our staffing is horrible. I am so busy backing up my team that I am often unable to complete desk work. And when I say I am backing up my team, I am not saying I am avoiding desk work to support them. I am saying that I HAVE to go into staffing so that we have minimum staffing numbers. I am doing this not only during my regularly assigned work hours. I am having to go in on weekends and holidays and working 10-14 hour days just so we have MINIMUM staffing.
And yet with all of this, I am still having almost everything I do questioned without reason.
So the other night, I made a decision. Its time to leave this place i have made my home and move on.
I had always hoped to stay right where I am now. I love this city. The culture and diversity, both for a city this size and a city in the south, is amazing. I have friends and professional relationships here. I own my home. I am within a few hours of my family. This city has become my home more than my hometown.
But there are no jobs that suit my qualifications and pay me the same I am making now. I’m essentially trapped in the job I am in. Until I can save up some money, I can’t even begin to consider beginning my counseling residency. And with that being said, I have decided to expand my job search nationally and internationally.
Its a scary thought to pack up and go where ever in the world offers you a great job and offers an environment where I feel safe. I have never done anything like this. But I figure if I am going to do it, now is the time to do it.
I’m single. No kids. I’m at that perfect point of my career change. I plan/hope to begin living my life as the real and authentic me in the next 4-6 months. I would say this is the perfect time for me to start over somewhere else.
I can’t change my leadership…but I can change the environment I am working in. I can change my response to the world around me.
I don’t know. All I want is to feel respected for the work I do and that I am being treated fairly. All of this back stabbing, lack of communication and passive aggressive behavior towards me has created a hostile work environment where I feel I am constantly having to look over my shoulder. It is exhausting me so much more when you factor in the crazy hours I have been working. It is increasing the likelihood of me making mistakes. It is not helping me in trying to fight the depression I have been battling since November.
So its time for me to take back what control I can in that part of my life. Its time for me to care for myself. Its time for me to show my level of professionalism and committment to other companies and hopefully find one that will show me the same level of respect I want to show and feel for my employer.
Its time for me to be someone that makes me happy and thank that risk.
Wish me luck! ♥
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