In The Moment

N456 Refocus Blog

So its been a couple of emotional weeks for me.  I have shared some things, both here in my blog and with friends, that I never imagined I would share with anyone…much less in an open forum such as this.  With all of that opening doors that I had sworn would always stay closed, I’ve cried a lot.  But you know what, that’s ok.  I have to get it out somewhere and somehow.  I guess here is as good a place as any.

I will say that despite all of the deep things I have written about lately, I am feeling better and a bit more focused today.  I think part of it is my trip to Baltimore is getting closer every day (19 days from now to be exact…).  I’m taking nine days off work then, so that is helping me to breath a little easier.  I’ll also be taking a two week break from blogging to recharge the creative process and to try and learn a few new skills for my pictures.

When I started blogging, I never imagined it would become such a therapeutic part of my life.  I mean, when you think about it, those of you who read this regularly know more about me and what’s going on in my life than 99% of the people I know in real life.  I don’t know.  I was thinking about it the other day, how I have an easier time sharing my thoughts, feelings, fears and successes here with all of you versus the people I associate with in RL.  Its weird thinking how almost every single day, I sit down here and spill my soul to all of you…some of whom I probably have never spoken to.

I’m sure part of it is the “safety” factor.  I mean, the obvious fact being that with this blog and SL, I am anonymous.  I mean…I have shared where I live but there are 2.5 million people here.  I know there are a few of you I have met in RL, and some of you I will meet soon.  Regardless, there is this safety factor in that your first impression of me isn’t, “Ok…something is going on with them because they look different/odd/choose your term.”  You all have looked at me based on my words, actions and interactions…not how I appear walking down the street.

That is one of the blessings of Second Life.  We all have the potential to be as beautiful and perfect as we want to be.  We choose what our ideal look is and we make it.  Granted, some people still judge on AV appearance but, as a rule, we really do need to get to know the essence of people to judge them because we can only base so much of our opinion of others on physical appearance.  That factor is mostly removed in SL, so I don’t have to fear that for the more part.

I think another safety aspect is the fact I can share some of these deep topics here without a fear of anyone walking away.  You choose whether to read it or not.  I can see how many people have visited my blog every day.  I can see what countries you are from.  But that’s it…unless you like or comment on something.  I have no way of knowing who you are and therefore, you could decide to quit reading and I wouldn’t know, wouldn’t have to face the rejection and what not.

I think one of the strangest things for me though, and by strange I don’t mean in a negative way, is when someone tells me that this blog is making a difference.  There is this thing going around on Facebook right now where you can leave comments or ask questions anonymously.  I’ve left several messages for people, all anonymously.  Me, personally, I did that because I didn’t want anyone feeling obligated to reach out and thank me.  I wanted them to just be able to soak up the words I had for them.  And so you know…all of the comments I left were positive. LOL

As for the comments I have received… Well… they made me cry.  I know, I know, I know…more crying from me.  But this time I was crying because they were so uplifting.  I have been told that this blog is helping someone, somewhere.  That comment meant the world to me.  There were a couple other comments that were truly meaningful…but to have someone tell me that the time I take to work on these posts is positively impacting someone…it truly is uplifting.

I’ve shared before that I never planned to disclose my journey here.  I still don’t really know what drove me to disclose other than I wanted to write from the heart and that meant being honest and transparent.  What has always amazed me, and will continue to amaze me no matter how long I blog, is the love and support I have received from so many of you.  Despite the competitive nature of both the blogger and creator world, so many of you have encouraged me every step of the way.  Despite some of the negative comments that fly around, so many of you have shown me the type of love and acceptance the world needs more of.

Lately, I have struggled with my sense of gratitude with everything going on in my life.  Having said that, I just want to reach out and express my gratitude to each of you.  Thank you for accepting me.  Thank you for encouraging me.  And thank you, all of you, for inspiring me to do this blog.

You all are amazing. ♥

See it on Flickr.

What I’m Wearing
Argrace – Yura
Blueberry – Sunny Bikini V2 Top & Bottom
Izzie’s – Wet Body & Face
Redgrave – Maddison Sunglasses

Foxcity – The Journey 3

Arlette decorative picnic basket

Mooring deck (big)

Junk Food [@ The Liaison Collaborative]
Hard Lemonade

Anchors Aweigh Beach Chair

Weimaraner Dog Lying – Mesh – Full Perm

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