In 13 days, I will be on my way to the Baltimore area for the SL Mid-Atlantic Jam.
In 13 days, I will be meeting many of SL’s live performers and hosts for the first time…all people I have worked with in some capacity during my SL journey.
In 13 days, I will be presenting as the real me outside of my home for the first time ever.
I’ve written so much in here that I have hard time remember what I have and have not written about at times. I may have shared the fact that other than the occasional pair of yoga pants or jeans with an oversized sweatshirt, no one has ever seen me, outside of my home, in any effort to present as the woman I am.
To say I am nervous as shit would be an understatement.
For starters, I am nervous about meeting such a large group of people for the first time. I do have a few things that will help though. One of my best friends…I met her through SL. She and I have never met in RL but we will in Baltimore and we will be sharing a room while we are there. Another friend from hosting days will be there. Both of these amazing women know a lot about my journey. I have voiced with both of them. We have exchanged RL pictures. They have seen me in this “awkward” stage, as I like to call it. They have both promised to help me to look my best.
The real nervousness though…is how the real world will respond to me stepping out as…me. I mean…while I am not to worried about the folks that are there with the Jam accepting me…as many of them know me on some level…I am worried about how things may go whenever we leave the hotel to go out someplace else. I know I am going to have a support system with me in my friends…but it doesn’t mean the anxiety isn’t and won’t be there.
I once heard a woman who transitioned, who also holds a significant government office, once say that he first time she went to work as her, she thought she was going to pass out from anxiety for the first half of the day. Having heard that helps me some because at least I know I am not alone in that respect.
But it has to be done. For lack of better terms, it is my time for this. Its time to leap into the waters.
Despite the nervousness, I am excited too. This is moment I have been waiting for years to happen. And when I say years, I am talking as far back as when I was 5 years old…when I have my first memories of realizing I was in the wrong body. So essentially, this trip to Baltimore is, in essence, something that has been 40 years in the making. Its also a HUGE first step towards me being seen by the world as…me…and helping me find the confidence to confront the various challenges of presentation that are coming up for me very soon.
And…I get to be me with some amazing friends who I know love and support me, only making the experience that much more meaningful.
So yeah, May 2nd, I will be in the car heading north to Baltimore…with my bags packed, my hands shaking and a grin on my face.
Who knows…maybe you will even see my RL face on Facebook. We will see how much courage I will have…but anything is possible.
See it on Flickr.
Decor Metal Ring Candle Pink [on/off]
Denmark – Blanket – Sky
Purse Decor 2
Purse Shelf 1 RARE
hanging plants . double planter
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Boxes – Stack 2
Glam’ mirror (white)
Photo Frame Type A