Right now, I would love to go back to the simplicity of my younger days. The only difference I would want…to be able to live those days as the real me.
Since I returned to work from vacation a week ago, its just been…hell…at work. The one good thing, it hasn’t been hell because of any negative treatment I have experienced. Its just been horrible because of my schedule. Our staffing issues are still pretty bad…and it will be another 4-6 months, minimum, before things stabilize. What does that mean for me?
A very chaotic schedule…especially if there are call outs. And if you then throw in some sort of emergency or system issue…that gets added on top of trying to cover staffing. This week, that has meant a lot of hours worked and two night shifts I have had to work.
And people wonder why I miss the simplicity of my childhood so much.
I’ve written about my family’s farm multiple times. It still breaks my heart that we had to sell the place a few years back. Even as an adult, that was the place I would go to ground myself. It was not only my time with family, but also a place where there was no cell or internet access…and so for however many days I was there, I was living with the amount of technology I had as a teen. The older I was, the more I appreciated that.
One spot that was always a favorite of mine was a pond on the property that was about a 10 minute walk from the house. Even though I am not a major nature girl, I did love this spot. I could go down there and sit, swim, have a picnic or whatever. In college, friends and I would go camping for the weekend there. As I grew older, I took dates down there. Or it was my simple, private escape.
The sound of the stream trickling into and out of the pond would sooth me. The beach my grandfather had built there was right near the stream that fed into the pond and when I would go relax on the beach, the sound of the stream would, for lack of better words, wash away the stress of work and life. It was like the water just reached out and grabbed those worries and yanked them out of my head.
I could sit by that pond for hours. Listening to the stream, the birds and crickets and every other animal that made that pond their home. I would smile as I would watch the fish jump (my grandfather kept the pond stocked, as he loved to fish). I could sit out there for hours and just feel at peace.
With me soooooooo close to living as the real me full time, I miss having a place like that to escape to. I mean, I think we all need that one place that helps ground us into what’s most important, but I am truly missing it as I prepare for full time…a time where I have to spend every minute as the real me. I don’t say that to make it sound like some burden…it isn’t. I couldn’t be happier to be reaching this point. The thought of finally closing in on this milestone is so liberating for me. But I also know there will be days where it will bring its own stresses and fears. There will be days it will test my confidence, sense of self and my resilience. I wish I still had the old family watering hole to escape to and recenter myself.
And yes, I do wish I could go back to being a child…and just change the body I was born in…so I could enjoy that spot all of these years as the girl I have always been.
See it on Flickr.
Retro Car Radio [Red]
Beach Party Pointers 19. Pup Swimsuit Chair
Rattan Tote Carry, Light Blue
Red Watermelon Slurpeee