It’s funny how things that were punishments during our childhood have become rewards as adults.
Over the past month, I have had a pretty intense work schedule. With our staffing as it has been, when I leave work tomorrow, I will have worked 24 of 26 straight days…across all shifts. I know I talk about the impact work has on my mind and body and, well, it hasn’t been good.
I also know, logically, that this intense work schedule and the lack of sleep has only made my current fight with the dysphoria even worse.
I am off this coming weekend…thankfully. I had originally planned to do yard work, clean my house top to bottom, fold the laundry that has piled up on the guest bed, etc., etc. Yeah…after talking with a friend this morning, I have decided that other than grocery shopping and maybe one or two other stops, all I am doing this weekend is sleeping and relaxing…and what relaxing turns out being will depend on my mood each day. I am not planning any kind of work around the house. The clothes can wait to be folded. The rugs can wait a few days to be vacuumed. It doesn’t all have to happen this weekend.
So I will be putting myself into a time out this weekend.
I think I may also put myself in timeout from social media as well. Despite how innocuous social media may seem, when you are struggling with feelings of dysphoria, social media can be one constant trigger after another. As I said to a friend the other day…I am not angry with anyone and I have not seen anything that is attacking me. What it is though is social media can be a constant reminder of what you are not and what you are not going to ever be capable of.
I don’t know if that makes any sense. Maybe one day I will explain it more.
For right now, I am going to just process that internally and with a couple of close friends.
See it on Flickr.
Foxcity – Leaning (Stand) Vol 2 – 3m