N563 Untitled Blog

I think sometimes we forget to dream.  The weights and burdens of daily life can weigh down on us and we lose our creative and hopes for something better by getting so caught up in the now that we can’t see the forest through the trees.

I know I am guilty of this.  The two areas it impacts me most are with my transition and my job.

So far as work, I find myself getting so caught up in just trying to get through each day and this chaos of short staffing that I forget there are other jobs out there.  I will go through spells where I either forget to apply for other jobs or just decide I am too tired from the day’s work to put the effort.  The first part, the forgetting, I need to make notes for myself more.  The second part…the lack of motivation…I need to kick myself in the arse again and get back on it.  At this point, I just need options.  While I have had a couple of phone and Skype interviews, I have not been called in for a face to face interview and I admit that is a bit disheartening.  But I need to get back on the job hunt and see what I can find.

This has happened with my transition as well.  I know a lot of that comes from the fact that things seem to go soooooo slowly sometimes.  I think I have shared before that I really struggle to see the changes happening to my body.  Even with pictures, its sometimes hard to tell.  Also, when I started this journey, I had expected to be getting my sexual reassignment surgery about now.  As we now, that hasn’t happened and I haven’t even been able to start living full time just yet.  The struggles I had with my estrogen levels early on really caused a lot of problems and actually delayed everything by at least a year and a half.  As those delays mounted up, it often made it harder and harder to dream about the future.

Even now, with the delays I am having moving to living full time, it makes it hard some times to see the future and dream about what may be.

I’m working on it though.  I am trying to get that positive mindset going again.  I want to think about the future I am going to have, not this place where I have felt stuck.  I need to have hope for this future I have envisioned instead of only thinking thoughts like, “It’s not going to happen,” and feeling stuck in this dysphoric state I have been in.

I mean…without dreams, what inspires us to get out of the bed every day?

See it on Flickr.

Apple Fall
Design Books
Handbag & Scarf
Macarons on Sketchbook

ARIA & The Loft
Amberleigh Hydrangeas In a Vase
Signe bleached canvas rug

ChicModa Home
Wall Decor // Dream

Flatscreen TV
Metallic Photo Frame [Landscape]

Wine bottle

“Tribeca Loft” – Group Gift

dust bunny
fiddle leaf tree
pilea peper plant
pink medinilla plant
potted rubber tree

glass vase with 3 flowers
vase with 2 color change tulips

Fancy Decor
Grantaire Coffee Table
Grantaire Lamp
Grantaire Magazine
Grantaire Nesting Tables
Hampton Candle
Merlot Wine Glass

[Merak] – Pop of Color [@ The Arcade]
Baby Breath Vase
Book Decor w/globe
Bunny Books Decor RARE
Living Room Cabinet RARE
Modernism Frames
Pillows Storage Basket
Travel Basket
Wall Lamp (on/off)

[Merak] Mainstore
Blooming Armchair (White)
Photo Frame Type A
Photo Frame Type B
Starry Telescope

Liza Heels – Black

Tap That App – Laptop and Books
Wanderlust – Candle

Super long Hanging Hedera

stacked canvases

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