I have to laugh a bit. As I was trying to decide what to write about for today’s post, I was truly struggling. It’s not that I don’t have a lot to say (obviously!). I was struggling because most of what is going through my mind is either more personal than I want to share or are topics I haven’t processed enough to write about. I know…for as much as I can sometimes spill my guts, I also struggle so much to get things out sometimes.
I stumbled across a great topic today though as I was scrolling through discord this morning. It ties in with a question a friend of mine asked after I made my Q&A post a few months back and sadly, after addressing the first of her questions, I never looped back to this topic. I am so sorry, my friend!
So…one of the questions this friend asked after my Q&A post was about buying presents for her transgender nephew. She was trying to figure out what to buy for him for birthdays, Christmases, etc. I meant to address this topic back then and forgot it. Then, this morning I came across a post in a Discord group I follow that said, “I think trans people should get thrown transition showers like brides and pageant people get. All your friends come over to celebrate this big moment in your life, gift you things you’ll need to start living your true gender, and just have a big party. Can we make that a thing?” I say this, not as a selfish person but as a realist…I wish someone would do this for me because transitioning is outrageously expensive.
As I have been on this journey, one thing that always amazes me is how people seem to forget how much everything costs. Every woman I know talks about how much beauty products and clothing cost. And they’re right. Being a woman is much more expensive than being a man. However, cis women have been building their wardrobes for years. They have been building their make up collections for years. They have been buying décor for their home for years. They struggle to foresee what I like to refer to as “start up costs.”
I mean, to all of the cis people out there. Imagine that you came home and found all of your clothing, belongings, cosmetics, etc…all of it taken…and your insurance company told you that wouldn’t cover anything. You had to replace everything on your own. What would you do?
Now fortunately, I am not too panicked about my home décor. Most of my stuff is family furniture, gender neutral, etc…so I am in no rush to tackle that issue. But just think about your entire wardrobe, all your toiletries, cosmetics, etc. were gone and you had to pay to replace it all out of pocket. What would you be thinking and feeling?
Having said all that, I go back to my friend’s question of, “What do you buy someone as gifts when they are transitioning?”
Buy them things that will help them with the costs associated with transitioning. Gift cards to stores they will shop at. Toiletries for the gender they identify with. Things to add to their home that will help it feel like a home that more aligns with their gender. Take them shopping, even if only for something small. All those small things add up over time…believe me I know. Cash even helps as both the costs of putting together a wardrobe in conjunction with the medical bills can become overwhelming very quickly.
Basically, when purchasing a gift for someone who is transitioning, go with something that is going to help them along their journey. I am obviously sharing my perspective from the female side, which I do feel is probably a more expensive journey than what my trans bothers have to pay just by the nature of cosmetics and what women’s clothing cost…though I could be wrong. Regardless of how someone identifies…this journey is anything but cheap and we are essentially starting all over again.
I hope this helps some…
I am going to add again that I am always open to answering questions anyone has about this journey. I believe the only way to bridge those gaps in understand that lead to so many of us being viewed negatively is to educate and normalize this journey. Thankfully, I have the opportunity to do that here.
See it on Flickr.
Autumn Leaves – Large1
Autumn Leaves – Scattered Circle
Autumn Leaves – Scattered Square
coffee on the go
Bae’s Journal – Pastel
Leaves Photo Set 4