Thinking Back

N624 Thinking Back Blog

Well…it’s December 30th and another year is almost done.  Its crazy to believe that 2019 is almost done.

I will say that 2019 has been a difficult year overall, but it has ended on a very strong note.  And considering how rough some parts of 2019 were, I’ll take that.  Now, that doesn’t mean that 2019 hasn’t had some beautiful highlights…it has.  So as I write this, I really do want to focus on the positives from this past year.  I want to make sure that I don’t lose sight of them because, at times, they have been all that kept me going during the difficult times.

The road of transition has been difficult this year.  I had hoped…prayed…pledged…to be living full time by now.  Sadly, that hasn’t happened and its taken a huge mental toll on me.  Thankfully, there have been some significant positives.  There was the SL Mid-Atlantic Jam in Baltimore where I presented outside my home for the first time.  There was the love and support of everyone there…and all of you who follow me here.  I shared with a few friends here in world, not too long ago, that when I have had really rough days, I would go back on my FB timeline and read the responses so many of you left for me there when I posted my RL picture there.  My hands shook like crazy…scared of being judged and criticized…and yet, all of you showed me nothing but love.  In the aftermath of that, I received my letter for my legal name change.  That was another amazing day for me.  Those moments…they have helped sustain me.

I’ve made new friends…both in world and in RL.  That has been such a blessing this year.

I’ve also had the opportunity to spread my wings beyond just blogging in SL.  Getting to work with BattleScars, Eclipse, Diversion, the Blogger & Vlogger Network and Narcisse in a capacity beyond just my photography has been such an amazing experience.

One of the things that has been hard this year, and I plan to fix that in the coming year, is that I have become a bit of a shut in in RL.  After being physically threatened once, the aftermath of members of my family rejecting me and just the looks, stares and frustration of not being full time yet, I spent almost all of my free time at home…barely going out.  I haven’t written about that much because its not something I’m proud of.

Thankfully, I found solace in my blogging.  Blogging has been such a safety net for me.  A safe place to share and connect with people.  A place to lose myself in the art we can create in Second Life.  Blogging has been my sanctuary…and in some ways, a lifeline for me.  Blogging has been so kind to me on an emotional level and I hope I have given back as much as it has given to me.

This past month though has shown me how much I need to get back out into the world and connect.  I almost lost one of my oldest and dearest friends out of fear of disclosing to him.  He and I have reconnected and are working through the fact I am transitioning.  He is in shock and still taking it all in.  Not sure if he will accept or reject me…but its out there now.

I also have made significant progress with my family.  Or they have made significant progress with me?  Who knows.  Probably a bit of both.  After my cousin’s wedding this month, I was invited back home for the holidays after being told I wasn’t welcome there last year.  Many of my family admit they are struggling with it all but want to grow to accept me, and I cannot ask for more than that.  And, probably the most special thing for me, was getting to see my niece and nephew who I hadn’t seen for literally two years.  And we reconnected just in time for my nephew to graduate in May.  I would have destroyed me if I missed his high school graduation this year.

I will say though that I am going to have scale back some on my blogging.  Between having a nightmare staffing situation at work (we had to fire 25% of our team over the past two weeks) and needing to get out more…I have made the very difficult decision that I need to scale back on my teams.  Doing that is always so hard because every team I blog for is very special to me.  These creators and blogger managers have shown me nothing but love and support.  I honestly consider all of them friends.  Each and everyone of them is someone I would meet in RL in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself.  Unfortunately though, I need to get out more.  I am not leaving blogging and I still plan to be an active blogger…but I need a few extra nights to take care of me each month…and to socialize with the people in my RL who I have hidden from for the past year…along with making sure I do what I need to do at work until I find a new job.  And finding a new job is another goal for 2020.

While I mentioned some negatives in this post, I want to note that mentioning them is primarily a means of showing how important the positives have been for me.  December has been one of the most amazing months for me since April, 2018, when I was, for over  a year and a half, cut from my family.  And May…and the times I have gone out as the real me since then…each of those moments has been so special to me.  Just like each of you has been so special to me.

Despite it being a long year, I can at least say that 2019 ended on a strong note for me personally.  I hope it has for all of you too.  As we move into 2020 tomorrow, my hope is that we can all leave the difficult parts of 2019 behind us, as much as possible, and take the blessings from this year into the new year.

Thank you, all of you, for being a light of hope for me this past year.

Best wishes for all of you in 2020.

Tiff ♥

See it on Flickr.

What I’m Wearing
Cae – Kindred Collar & Cuffs [@ FaMESHed X] & Simplicity Gem Stud Earrings
Truth – Eternity [December ’19 VIP Group Gift]
Valentina E. – Marianne Dress [@ FaMESHed X]

Body – Maitreya – Lara
Head – LeLutka – Korina
Shape – Custom
Skin – Glam Affair – Cassy

Foxcity – City Life 6 & Cigarette Prop


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Amy Juneau says:

    love the pic on this one….goodbye 2019 and all the best for 2020, Tiff …*hugs* from Amy x


  2. Katie McKenzie says:

    Love you girl! Here’s to 2020 being a great year for all of us!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.