This past week was a bad week. One of the worst I have had in real life in a very, very long time. It’s truly stifled my motivation in all areas of my life and has left me feeling as deflated as I have in a very, very long time.
I’ve written before about being unhappy in my job. I’ve been looking for a new job for some time but haven’t had any luck so far. I came to the realization a few years ago that unless I had the right leadership, I had kind of been pushed into an area at work that left me little room for advancement. That was one of the many reasons I went back to grad school.
I still haven’t given up my hope of going into counseling. I went back to my job after my internship to save money for my residency. I mean, a 40% pay cut is a big deal. Unfortunately, I have not really been able to put much money aside. I had thought about trying to begin my residency part time but I need a more stable schedule to do that and a stable schedule just doesn’t seem to be coming anytime soon.
While the leadership changes we’ve had over the past year and a half hit me hard, it seemed as though they hadn’t hit my team as hard. I know my job security is tenuous…and I think that is more because new leadership wants to push out anyone affiliated with the old leadership. I’ve been unhappy, yes. I’ve been looking for new jobs, yes. But until I could find something else, I at least felt secure in the fact that while I had no faith in my direct leadership, I believed in the senior leadership and my organization as a whole.
That was until this past week…
I have always told people that if you want to come after me, come after me. I don’t like it. It hurts. Like anyone, I get accused of things that aren’t true. But in the end, I make the choice whether to defend myself or just let what’s happening or said pass over. I can control my response to attacks on myself and I like to think I am strong enough to endure the attacks.
If you come after my friends, family or team at work though…or disrespect them…that is a different story entirely. And this past week, my organization has blatantly shown how little they think of my team.
Now don’t get me wrong. My team has issues. It is a more entry level position and there is no college degree required for my team. But the majority of my team works hard. While not medically trained, one of their job duties has a direct impact on whether patients at my hospital live or die. Believe me…when they make a mistake, I hear about it for weeks, despite their error rate being less than 0.0001%. I mean…really…they are about as close to perfect as they can be. But one mistake and you would think the world had come to an end.
We, myself and the management team that is on the same level as me, have been fighting for them. We have been fighting to get them more money (they are paid almost $10k less than the average person working the same job in this region) and we have been fighting to get them recognized. We are doing everything we can to tout their successes. We are doing everything we can to show their worth.
As I said before, this week showed how little they think of the work my team does.
In one case, they failed to recognize someone I had submitted for an award. During a situation that could not be planned for, this kid (and I say kid because I am old enough to be his mother) did a job he had never been trained to do. He did it without question or reservation despite being scared to to death. He took on this new job duty during an emergency situation and his actions directly impacted and probably saved the lives of two to three individuals who were in the midst of major emergencies. His nomination for this award was denied as being one of the 15 winners for the month. He was denied by a committee of people who look at my team and think the people we employ are beneath them. And that is not a statement I make in anger. It’s a statement I make because I know these people and how the look at anyone who they don’t see as important or as educated as they are.
Then we got worse news. We found out that the pay increase for my team is most likely not coming and, if it is, it is MONTHS away. They drop this on us as my team struggles to stay afloat. The tell us this as we are losing employees left and right to better paying jobs. They tell us this as they just give pay increases to the people who are already paid most in the organization while many on my team struggle to put food on the table. They tall us this as we find out one of our counterparts at work, a group that has no nights, weekends, evenings, holidays or inclement weather days…a group whose performance on paper is far worse than ours…is paid at least $10k more per year than my team.
It’s truly hard not to be incredibly insulted by all of your leadership.
I’ve given 22 years to my company. No matter how bad my department leadership has ever been, I always believed in the organization and the people in the most senior positions. I always believed that they were working to do right by everyone and viewed every employee as a crucial member of a team. This past week, that belief was destroyed by the reality of what happened and both the involvement and indifference of those at the highest levels.
It’s been devastating to me. It’s taken all of my motivation to perform well. It makes me feel like I am some puppet and all the work I have done has been for naught. And believe me…if I could afford it, I would have walked out the door this past week without a second thought.
I may refrain from writing as much over the next week or two. Some of you, I’m sure are probably screaming, “Thank goodness!” LOL But I think right now I need to work on the negative energy purely through my art. And I certainly don’t want a string of negative posts. I try to be more positive but this whole situation has just hit me…hard…and positive energy in my real life is hard to come by right now. I also know that not writing as much will give me extra time to put towards a job search and getting out of this job.
While no job is perfect, no job should take so much of your energy and pride. No one deserves that.
See it on Flickr.
Foxcity – Vacant 3m
dust bunny . pilea peper plant
dust bunny . potted bromeliad
Photo Booth – Escape (With window light)
love you like the sea frame
French Moments – Coffee Cup
New Year New Me Computer Clutter – Computer
New Year New Me Computer Clutter – Journal
New Year New Me Computer Clutter – Keyboard
New Year New Me Computer Clutter – Mouse