I’m going to be honest here…I have felt like a broken record lately. I guess I feel like all I have done is complain and/or talk about problems going on in my life lately. I feel like I have become a bit of a Negative Nancy with everything going on both in the world and with myself. Even in discussing the things I have mentioned, there is still more weighing on my mind. There are a few things I don’t think I have shared with a single soul I think part of it is I am tired of feeling like all I am doing is complaining.
So I want to take this post and actually focus on some of the positives going on with me…and, well, one negative. The biggest is transition related, a topic I haven’t really discussed much recently, but deserves a little attention as our lovely friend COVID has had both a positive and negative impact on that whole journey.
On the negative side, my surgery has been delayed. You may remember me talking about that around the new year. I had scheduled to have some facial feminization done, along with breast implants. Weelllpppp…with the stay at home orders came orders to cancel all elective and non-urgent procedures and surgeries in the state until further notice. Obviously, my surgery is considered elective, so I expected that to happen.
The good news on that front is that we have started opening back up elective and non-urgent procedures here at the hospital. I received a call while I was home last week that my surgery would have to be rescheduled. They need to get caught up on those necessary but not urgent procedures first. We are only open to 50% of our surgical capacity right now, so it will take a little time to catch up from seven weeks of surgical restrictions…but we will get there. If I had to guess at a date for my surgery, if all goes well, I would say sometime in the mid to late fall.
On some very positive news though, it looks like there is a very strong likelihood that I will be be presenting full time, so long as I can get out and do some shopping, on my deadline of late July to early August.
I’ve been very fortunate through all of this for my job. I mean, as much as they have worked me, I have still be able to go to work and get a paycheck. For that, I am INCREDIBLY grateful. I’ve already earned a lot of overtime through all of this. Additionally, with so many vacations be cancelled for our staff both because of time off being rescinded and/or people having to cancel trips because of the stay at home orders and what not, work decided to let staff cash out PTO for pay. With this, they are letting us cash out up to a max of 160 hours of paid time off in four separate installments. I’ve been banking a lot of PTO for a long time and with my years of service to the hospital, I earn close to a week every four weeks. So I have made the choice to take all of those cash outs and put that money towards the wardrobe and other things I will need to live as the real me full time. I just need to get to the point where I can go to the stores and actually try clothes on and I can get that ball rolling.
And a very emotional moment for me with all of this. I reached out to my sister the other week and asked her if she would be willing to help me shop and get my wardrobe together. We have very similar fashion tastes and she is a smart shopper. I was a bit hesitant to reach out to her though. While she has supported me through all of this, I do try to be very aware of the fact that as I transition, while she is gaining a sister, she is also grieving the loss of her only living brother. It makes for a bit of a balancing act for both of us at times and we try to be very respectful of one another through this. But I did it…I asked her. She not only agreed to help me but was truly excited that I asked her to help with this. As we talked about it a couple of days later, we both agreed that her helping me with the shopping will be important to both of us though. It will be a major turning point in me going from her little brother to her little sister. Not that she hasn’t already started seeing me that way…but I think you know what I mean.
So today, I am working to shift my mindset some. Despite all of the rough things lately, there are still good things going on in the world…and with me. At least I hope so! lol
Please continue to be safe, everyone. I’m thinking about you all. ♥
See it on Flickr.
Luane’s World – Let Me Love the Lonely