I may have written about this topic before. Not sure. If I have and you have read it, feel free to skip on to another post. If I haven’t written about this and/or you haven’t read about this topic before, this might be a good one to read with everything going on in the world right now.
When my brother died, I was devastated. In that moment, I had lost my brother, one of my best friends and a key father figure from my life. I couldn’t comprehend life…I was angry, sad, in pain, empty and so many other places emotionally that I truly struggled to function some days. As I went around sad and in grief for so many months, people would tell me I needed to “get over it.” You don’t just get over death, no matter what anyone tells you. It’s just not that easy and Western culture is horrible about dealing with death in a healthy way. Along with my grief, I also was dealing with an incredibly unsupportive partner at the time…and it was just a recipe for being stuck in a place that no one wants to be.
As a result of all of that, I saw this change in my world. I remember speaking with a friend of mine one day and she told me, “As you go through this grief and work to recover, your address book will change. You will lose some friends who have been close to you for years. You will also find support in people you never expected support from…and they will become some of your closest friends.” I didn’t believe her at the time but, as time went on, I saw the deep truth in her statement. As I began to truly cherish the new friendships, those who accepted the fact I wasn’t going to just “get over” my brother’s death and who supported me in grieving in healthy ways, I finally began healing and moving along the road of recovering from my brother’s death.
I have found the same thing happening on this journey of transition. I have lost some friends. Gained others.
I have also seen this happening as we, all of us, have confronted the struggles of a world wide pandemic, social distancing and isolation and the challenges all of this brings.
The other day, I wrote about the friendship I have developed with Caiti and what her support and friendship have meant to me, especially with her being a fellow health care worker. Another friend I have become incredibly close to and “added to my speed dial” through all of this is this amazing woman, Goldee.
I met Goldee through mutual friends just as Europe was starting to close down. As the pandemic was spreading further across the globe, she and our mutual friends would be chatting away in a group chat….helping each other cope and understand what was happening in the world. We helped each other laugh. We talked to each other through our fears. We shared information. We could be crass and sarcastic when we needed to be and also be serious and get support when one of us struggled. It was an amazing support network.
As things progressed with COVID, along with me confronting some other challenging issues both in Second Life and real life, Goldee and I began talking more…and our friendship really began to develop then.
This girl…lord has she got sass! And when you are struggling, you need someone with that kind of sass in your life. And honestly, through everything that has been going on, I have needed regular doses of that attitude to keep me going. She also, bless her, has listened when I have been on the verge of tears and held me up as I struggled to get through some days. And one of the things I love about Goldee…she’s not one who steps away when she may not be able to fully understand what a friend is going through. She stays there…and listens. She finds a way to relate to your pain…and is present with you through it all.
I do believe that for many of us, as we have all handled the state of the world now in different was, have lost friends. Some of us have withdrawn. Some of us have found different activities and or people with whom we can relate to based upon our individual challenges. Some of us have struggled to connect with others. Sometimes, people see this as being rude and pulling away from friendships when that isn’t the case. Goldee…if I pulled away, she checked in. And never, not once, did this woman ever make me feel guilty for feeling the way I did…regardless of the reason for my struggle.
So, Goldee…thank you. Thank you for your friendship and support these past few months. I am so grateful to know you. I know you have had your own challenges over these past few months since we met and I hope and pray that I have supported you as much as you have supported me. The world truly needs more people like you in it.
Isn’t it great when that address book of friends changes and you not only get a new friend, but you also get one you put on speed dial?
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[ Focus Poses ] – Summer Jeep (girls) [Jeep included with pose set]
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