It’s Saturday morning and I am just feeling little to no motivation to do much in real life.
I shared in my post last night that I have been struggling with my Gender Dysphoria. As I have been struggling with this, I have had a lot of thoughts. Thoughts about blogging. Thoughts about real life. Thoughts about Second Life. Thoughts about transitioning. Lots of things.
I will say there is one thought that has gone through my head quit a bit lately…
I am having more and more days where I wish I had never disclosed my transition here in Second Life.
In real life, there are certain experiences where I can never have the authentic female experience. I’ve discussed that fact before. I can’t have children. I missed out on growing up as a girl. I can never date anyone without having to disclose that part of my life. Hell, I can’t even go to a doctor without bringing it up.
When I came into SL, I spent the better part of my first ten years not telling anyone I was struggling with my gender identity. I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me for fear of disclosing. The only people I would tell were other people in transition as I would talk with them trying to figure out if I was transgender or not. Then, a few years ago, all of that changed when I met a guy I really liked.
That was right about the time I was starting HRT and so I disclosed to him, and a small group of friends that I was trans. That was the start. And within that small circle of people, I was open about my gender identity. I found a great deal of support and acceptance within that small group, which was good for me. When that relationship ended though, I ran into a new set of problems.
When I would go out, guys would hit on me and I would flirt back. If things looked like they were going to progress, I would disclose to them. I think I have shared about these experiences before. I was often attacked verbally, called names, hit with a dozen questions about “the surgery,” and things like that. So at that time, I included my gender status in my profile.
Doing that was a bit of a positive and negative. It lessened the comments I was receiving. It did bring less flirting, but I was ok with that. It did however completely change the dynamics of meeting most people. And when I opted to disclose in my blog, it certainly changed the course of many conversations with people. I see the impacts of this every day.
To give you an example, over the past few weeks, I have met multiple people as I have tried to get off my platform and socialize more. Some of them were people who were just really nice. A couple of them were people I flirted with. But in almost all of these conversations, the fact that I am trans came up within the first 20-30 minutes of talking with them. And, within the first 20-30 minutes of talking with these people, out come the questions about whether or not I have had “the surgery” yet.
I’m going to be honest…when you are meeting someone for the first time and the conversation turns so quickly to what sex organ you have between your legs, it hurts. It objectifies myself or any transperson to one single part of their body and makes many of us feel as though that’s all we are seen as…not the person as a whole.
And see, that’s one of the painful things about being trans…and something that has really impacted me lately…and made me wish I had never disclosed. I struggle to even meet new friends without all of me being defined by 1% of my total body…
I’ll be honest, I pray for the day when being a transgender individual becomes as normalized as someone telling another person that they are a single mother, or a business owner, or a student or any other thing that most people look at as part of every day life. For most of us transitioning, that’s what we pray for. We ache of the focus to shift away from what’s between our legs…and to who we are at our core.
Maybe that day will come in my lifetime…but we have a long way to go to get there.
And for those of you who aren’t trans, I ask that you take a moment to think about how we feel in this way…
How would it make you feel if one of the first questions you were routinely asked was what sexual organ you had between your legs?
Something to think about…
See it on Flickr.
Coffee & Muffin
Cosmos Flowers – Candystripe
Cosmos Flowers – Red
Hetton Barn Conversion
Leather Strapped Trunk
Macarons on Sketchbook
Roses Box – Pink
Violet Glass Bottles
fiddle leaf tree
hanging plants . cheese plant
hanging plants . double planter
hanging plants . ivy planter
hanging plants . spider planter
pilea peper plant
pink medinilla plant
potted cheese plant
glas with toothbrushes
hairbrush and comb
make up brushes set
Verona Towel Stack
Grey Tabby Cat Lying – Mesh – Full Perm
Favorite Sweater Clutter – ALL – Floor A
Lingerie Clutter – Black – Draped (Panties)
Lingerie Clutter – Red – Edge (Panties)
Lingerie Clutter – Pink – Flat (Panties)
Lingerie Clutter – Pink – Hanging (Bra)
Lingerie Clutter – Teal – Draped (Bra)
Body Towels Decor 1
Body Towels Decor 2
Roman Shade Up
Dacha Crumpled Towel
Dacha Shower Necessities
Rug Creme, Group Gift
Tidy Pastels Liquid Soap Lavender
Weimaraner Dog Lying – Mesh – Full Perm