I’m at one of those points where I have so much running through my mind right now that I am struggling to write. I’ve got a lot I am processing now…good and bad. And processing all of it is a lot harder right now as my house still just feels so empty without Dozer here.
It was weird…when I returned to work last week, my boss was like, “In 3 or 4 days, it won’t be so bad. You’ll probably be grateful that you don’t have to worry about walking him and what not.” That has not been the case for me thus far. As I thought about it last night, I thought back to a conversation my sister and I had after Mom died.
My sister wasn’t impacted like I was with our mother’s death. None of it had to do with whether or not my sister loved Mom. She did and Mom’s death wasn’t easy on her. It was the difference of daily routines and such. My sister had her family…her husband and six year old son. Me, it was just me and Dozer at the time…so the void left by Mom not being around was harder to feel. That’s pretty much where my struggle is right now. I don’t have those extras to help fill that void. And with things still being limited as to what you can do, I don’t have a lot of those extra activities to fill the time and void.
On a positive note though, I have gotten my surgery date for my facial feminiation work. I’m not having a whole lot done. No bone work…which I would love to have but is WAAAYYY to expensive right now. But I will be getting work on my eyelids, eyebrows and some fat grafting done along my cheeks, jawline and lips. That should help smooth out my face significantly and soften my look. Should also help open up more hairstyles for me to have fun with.
Speaking of hairstyles, I have scheduled an appointment with a really great salon here locally. I have consult with them scheduled for this coming Wednesday. I explained to them what was going on with me and they were fabulous. They set me up with a stylist who is going to help me figure out the best hairstyle to help soften my face and put in long term wear hair extensions to help fill in spots where my hair has thinned. I am really excited about that too and hoping to get that done the day before my surgery, if at all possible.
So I am trying to find more positives right now. Like I said, I still have a lot going on that I am having to process…but I’m working on it.
One day at a time, right?
See it on Flickr.
Diversion – Ponder 4
My Home [Landscaped by Aria Christen Designs]