Wow! It’s hard to believe it’s been over a month since my last official blog post. I won’t say the break wasn’t nice. I had been moving along full steam ahead since the spring, so the breather was very nice…especially with all that’s been going on in real life. It’s weird because a part of me feels like I have done nothing over the past what, 35 days, but there has actually been a lot going on in my world.
Let’s start off with the biggest thing…I am, after all of these years, finally living my life full time as me. There are officially no more days of switching between who I am and who the real world knew me as for 40 plus years. It’s just me…Madison Tiffany #########…every day. It’s almost surreal to be at this point, especially after all of the years of frustration just to get to here. I’ll admit…some mornings I still wake up and pinch myself to ensure I’m not dreaming. How sad is that?
I will say that it has been a major adjustment switching over to being me every day. Gone are the days of 45 minutes to get ready. I am truly getting a crash course in make up, women’s fashion and what looks good on my body. There are the days where I struggle because I am still misgendered or treated…differently. Yet, there are also the days when you are appropriately gendered by complete strangers in these incredibly simple ways that mean so much. There has been the ongoing fighting with my HR department at work as they have dropped the ball on several things. There has been the response from family and friends, both positive and negative. And, with my facial surgery came the struggle of recovery…and several weeks of extreme light sensitivity.
Before I went out on my break, I had said I would probably do some posts about what all was going on with me in my first few weeks of…being the real me. Unfortunately, the light sensitivity I mentioned above has really hampered my ability to do any pictures or spend much time in front of the computer. Even as I write this, the white background of WordPress is bothering my eyes. Having said that, I expect the next couple of weeks to a month to be kind of my delayed diary of what the first month as the real me has been like. There’s actually a lot to tell and while I did post some updates on Facebook, there is so much more to tell. There have been triumphs…and major struggles.
Ever since disclosing I was transgender, I stated that I wanted this blog to be an accurate and real account of what this journey is like. Granted, my story is very different from so many others on this journey. But I am committed to it being real. Having said that, I think that while reaching this point is a major milestone for me and something to be celebrated, it has also come with more than it’s fair share of pain, heartbreak and frustration. I do believe it’s important to share all parts of the journey to help those on this path to understand what they can expect. I also believe that for all of the support I have received, there is still so much more that needs to be done in this world to help people like myself feel safe to be who we are…and to make this journey easier for those who will come after me.
Having said all that, I want to say thank you to all of you who have supported me. Whether a sponsor, blogger manager, friend or stranger…all of you have been a part of helping me reach this point in my life. All of you have been a part of me feeling safe enough to be me…safe enough to write like I do here…safe enough to show who I truly am in a world, all be it virtual, that can be just as loving and caring, or cruel and evil, as the real world. You helped to not only give me hope for a better future…but I believe it will give hope to others struggling to be their authentic selves without living in a shroud of secrecy.
In the end, each of you is a part of me reaching this point. And despite what so many of you may say, I never could have achieved this goal without your support. Thank you…for everything. ♥
See it on Flickr.
Foxcity – Pretty 7 (Fatpack Exclusive)
small car – black
Stockholm Street Backdrop