Introspection

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Introspection can truly be a dangerous thing.

When I say introspection can be dangerous, I don’t mean that we shouldn’t take a look at ourselves.  We need to.  We have to look at ourselves, our actions, motivations, triggers and so many things to gain a better understanding of who we are and why we respond to the world in the way we do.  We have to be willing to take that risk of looking at ourselves if we want to be healthier…both for ourselves and for others.  As I wrote yesterday about finding my serenity again, introspection is going to be a big part of achieving that.

How each person handles this is different.  A big part of how they deal with what they find depends on how emotionally healthy they are to begin with…as well as what kind of support they have in the process.

After my post yesterday, I received a really sweet message from a friend of mine.  After reading my post, she took a moment to encourage me and remind me that I can, and will, find my stable place…my serenity…again.  She also took a moment to commend me on not just recognizing that I needed to address things but also on working on a plan to address those areas I can control.  The message came out of nowhere and meant so much because I was really struggling yesterday, and have been for a few days, with everything going through my head.

As I have thought more about her message, I have been reminded of what happened the first time I was working through my 12 steps when I was active in Al-Anon.  I was reminded of the fear at certain points.  I was reminded of how easily it was to tear myself apart when working those steps.  I was also reminded of my sponsor, an amazing man who grew up in a very similar background to me, who helped keep me to both stay on track with my steps and also reshaped my view of the process at each point along the journey.

Step 4 in the 12 steps is very scary.  It’s one that truly focuses on introspection.  What step 4 requires is that we “make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”  For most people working the 12 steps, we have a very distorted view of ourselves.  Most of us honestly don’t believe we are good people.  We believe we are fundamentally flawed beyond repair and for people doing this step for the first time, it is seen as the opportunity to acknowledge how truly screwed up we are.

I was truly fortunate with the sponsor I had the first time I worked my steps.  As I sat down to begin working on my moral inventory, my sponsor took a moment to talk with me.  His words to me, he would not consider my 4th step complete unless I included more positive things about myself than negative.  Before he said that, I figured it was all going to be an easy, no brainer.  I honestly though it was just going to be a list of how screwed up and how bad a person Tiffany was.  When he told me I had to include more positives than negatives about myself…it suddenly became very had to complete this step.  I just couldn’t see myself in a positive light then.

I learned a great deal through this step.  The biggest lesson that I learned was that the majority of my flaws in life were positive traits about myself being taken too far.  It was things like…I wanted to help others in need was a positive trait.  However, letting myself being taken advantage of by others was a negative trait…and was basically wanting to help others being taken too far.  The whole experience was very eye opening for me.

As I think about how to find my peace again, I am sitting down to do these steps again.  I am planning to sit down and truly look at what I am doing, right and wrong, at this point with everything going on.  And after I do that, I plan to work the next two steps too…which involves both making amends to others…as well as forgiving those who have wronged me.  Of course, one thing I have to remember as I do this…

I have to make sure to both forgive myself and make amends with myself.

Sometimes, that is the hardest part…forgiving ourselves…

See it on Flickr.


What I’m Wearing
Just Because – JulyLory Pants & Top
Reign – Katy Heels
Truth – Vivid

Body
Body – Maitreya – Lara
Head – LeLutka – Nova Evolution Series
Shape – Custom
Skin – Glam Affair – Bella Evolution Skin 008 & Bella Freckles (B) [@ Kustom9]

Pose
Le Poppycock – Space Out

Scene
dust bunny
pilea peper plant
potted rubber tree
spotted begonia

Fancy Decor
Merlot Wine Glass

Grey Tabby Cat Lying – Mesh – Full Perm

MINIMAL
Soho Build -no snow-

Nutmeg
Backyard Stool Brown

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Dreamy Lebed/Penny Bombastic says:

    Love you loads ♥ this post is amazing, not only on the eyes but those words tiffany are so uplifting, so true. I know from my own experiences that whilst i’ve not always been as kind or thoughtful as i wish i had been. To be able to recognise it, to own it, to make the effort to change that behaviour and move forward in a more positive light and surround those who you love, with it and even those who you don’t love but might be struggling, with it – is a fantastic way of making a wrong, right. Being kind to yourself and forgiving yourself takes practice when you’ve spent a lifetime being told you’re bad, no good, useless, worthless. I think cracking that safe open, is paramount to being able to heal yourself and place yourself in a more peaceful zone. You are amazing, never believe anything otherwise ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love you too, my sweet friend. I know all of us have had our moments when we haven’t been as caring or thoughtful as we should be. One of the sad truths of being human. But I do want to change the behaviors and improve. As a dear friend of mine once told me, “It’s about progress, not perfection.” The being kind and forgiving to myself is something I am REALLY having to work on right now. That road is…very dark right now to say the least. Knowing you and I have similar backgrounds, it means the world to know you get it…being told you’re worthless, useless, bad and no good. I’m better than I used to be about those feelings but lord when those emotions start to sink in and show their ugly face and that is something I am really struggling with right now…especially in light of the mistakes I have made recently. Thank you for being such an amazing person and for all of your support. You really have no idea what it has meant to me, especially this past few weeks. You really have been more support to me than you even realize. Thank you so, so much. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amy Juneau says:

    I didn’t know you’d been through the 12-steps and AA. I did the 12 steps first time in rehab and yeah step 4….it’s a trip, at least if you do it honestly…so many feelings and memories can come up….it’s easy to skip through that one, they told us that cheating on step 4 is one of the biggest reasons why people relapse, so it’s *that* important…and if you’re going through that kind of process right now in your thoughts and feelings, I’m sending you a huge big hug…remember when forgiving yourself that you are also awesome and that we all have shit to forgive ourselves for…and that you rock ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t go through AA but I worked the 12 steps in Al-Anon. Thankfully I have never had a substance abuse problem myself…especially considering the history of substance abuse in my family. And yeah…I agree with what they told you about the 4th Step. It’s truly enlightening in a lot of ways and I do agree that it is *THAT* important. Thank for the hugs and the reminders. I am working on it. Even though I may not emotionally believe what I need to about myself right now, I know where I want to get to and that is hugely important. Thank you for always being so supportive, hon. *hugs you tight* ♥

      Like

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