I was having a talk with a friend of mine recently. This friend has, only recently, realized that he is bisexual. As our conversations have included more conversations about sexuality, we have discussed various things such as fantasies and what not. As we have had some of these discussions, I was asking him about the types of fantasies he had and he shared with me that he didn’t really have any as a result of a relationship that has lacked sex for many years.
I felt horrible for him. I mean, no one should feel like they can’t express themselves sexually.
Yes, I know this is a topic I have written about before and I am sure I will write about it again. It truly breaks my heart that there are so many people in the world who are not able to explore the fantasies, fetishes and desires for fear of being judged or because they are riddled with guilt because they have been taught that having those desires is wrong. Additionally, my heart breaks for the partners of someone who is so unwilling to just make sex fun.
Obviously, many of our views on sex are learned in our childhood. Our parents, schools and/or faith build this road map of what is and what isn’t acceptable sexually. So many of us get stuck in that place and believe that if we go against what we have been taught that we will go to hell, are dirty and shameful or something else. I mean, even as we grow older, those beliefs stick with us and cloud everything in our adult relationships. It’s just sad.
I mean, I get it. I obviously went through my struggles with shame and guilt about being transgender. I also struggled with my sexuality as a whole as I worked towards discovering I was trans. Like…I’ve never been with a man in RL…I was always ashamed to try being with a man because of what I had been taught in the little conservative pocket of Virginia I grew up in. But as I have explored myself and my desires over the years, I know I am attracted to men and want to experience that. Ironically though, I need to experience that with a man who sees me a woman though. For a man to see me as a man…it makes me feel…fetishized. But for the man who sees me as a woman and wants to be with me sexually, treating me as a woman…I should probably make sure his health insurance is current because I just might hurt him… *smirks*
I also learned a lot about my fascination with some “kinky” behaviors. I have shared before that I was very involved with the BDSM scene here locally for many years. The consensual and respectful exchange of power (true BDSM, NOT SL BDSM) is intoxicating. Dancing on that fine line between pleasure and pain is incredible. And toys…why in the hell are so many people afraid of toys???
And there’s more…role playing, my attraction to women, etc., etc., etc…
As we become more open and accepting of ourselves as sexual beings, we as a world are cutting others some slack for acknowledging who they love and what activities they enjoy in the bedroom. While I understand that parents and loved ones want to protect us when we are young, there is a huge difference between teaching us to be responsible with our sexuality and being afraid of our sexuality. It’s the same thing with teaching kids to drink responsibly vs teaching them that all drinking is bad. When you teach that something is bad, we tend to either dive into that activity with complete disregard or stay aware from it to a level that can be unhealthy. When we are taught to be responsible with those things, we can enjoy them and the pleasures they bring…without risking our own health and well being.
I don’t care what anyone tells me, sex is supposed to be fun. We are sexual beings. I don’t know why people believe it’s wrong or evil except in the case of procreation. I’m sorry…screw that. I cherish and am proud of my sexuality and the things I enjoy. Shouldn’t we all be?
See it on Flickr.
Foxcity – Photo Booth – The Hangout (Violet)